Boundaries teach people how to treat you. If something feels off, wrong or weird, listen to your body. Instinct is quiet, and conditioning is loud.
If you don’t have trust, you can’t feel safe. If you don’t have respect, you can’t have love. Love, trust and respect must all exist for a healthy connection.
Men who cannot or will not date women their own age do that for a reason, you are not special or really mature (you may be, but that’s not all of why they like you) they are toxic. Do not assume you will be the exception to the rule, very few women fare well when older men pursue them.
Don’t outsource pleasure to men. Women are oxytocin driven, not dopamine driven. Look up oxytocin bathing. Refuse any lifestyle advice written by a man, they do not know about your body, your rhythms and your needs i.e. women need ten hours of sleep a night. Studies are showing this.
Keen to advocate for yourself in the medical model. As an ex health care worker the medical model does not like women. They don’t do research on women and drugs. Women are early included in studies. Drug dosages are calculated on men’s bodies. You must advocate for yourself and don’t give up.
Get used to being silent when someone disrespects you. Ten seconds of eye contact and silence speaks volumes.
You do not owe anyone personal information about yourself ‘where do you work?’ ‘Who do you live with?’ You do not owe anyone pretty, sexy or fuckability. You were not put on this earth to be a decoration or an accessory. Refuse to be seen as such. Hold yourself in high regard. Stand tall.
Women have been conditioned to believe happiness and wellbeing will come from being in relationship with a man. This is a lie. You must put your hopes and dreams at the centre of your life. Failing to do this could see you waste your life living for a man’s betterment. Fight this because men have been conditioned to take from women. It’s often not conscious so be mindful of who takes from you and gives little.
Refuse to do free emotional labour for men. Don’t laugh at jokes that are not funny. Don’t protect a man from being uncomfortable. Leave any man that lies to you. Leave immediately. Do not date men who cannot manage anger, give you silent treatment (still can be anger issues), or men who must consume porn. Know the difference between healthy and problematic expressions of male sexuality.
Stay away from men enmeshed with their mothers. Stay away from men who hate their mothers. Run, and don’t look back.
Do not be with men who make you mommy or their free therapist.
Selfish is not a bad word. Bitch is another name for a woman who takes no crap. You have to be prepared to not be liked. If you try and please everyone you will please no one, including yourself.
You have one goal in life, to be happy. Protect your wellbeing like a bear, prioritise connection with women and don’t believe your self worth is dependent on being chosen, having children, or looking a certain way.
Remember beauty is only skin deep, and a multi billion dollar industry falls apart when you love yourself. Be a rebel, and love yourself so brilliantly any one who dares treat you poorly would be left in the dust without a second glance.
Support other women. Respect the feminists who have come before you and fought for you. Honour them by being the wild, strong and stunning being you are. Radiate that. Never dim your light to make others comfortable.
Never forget the sisterhood.
‘Be grateful for life as you live it.
And may a wonderful light
Always guide you on the unfolding road.’ – Ben Okri
Luna B, 44
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